Up to my nipples in bubble wrap

          You all may have been wondering what has happened to old Disnarc this last week. Well my dear readers at long last we have moved into our cottage. Tuesday was the big day with workmen still running around  finishing off bits and pieces in the morning and carpet fitters laying the lounge carpet with the removal men arriving on the 3.30pm ferry from Portsmouth. Well if I can say I was a tad stressed that would be an understatement. One thing I have learnt is to keep the husband far away at work (he is as much use as a straight man at a Lesbian convention) and a bottle of sloe gin close by. Having packed over one hundred boxes and using over 300 metres of bubble wrap I knew there was a vast mountain to climb. But there is nothing stronger than a Queen on a mission.
          After every item was in the house I knew my best attack was to just go to bed and start early in the morning. When I was packing to move over here I did a fabulous job getting rid of a lot of rubbish, mostly Greg's but it was his fault for leaving me and buggering off to start work. Being a sentimental old thing I have trouble getting rid of things. I will never get rid of the blue and white Spode which were packed in ten boxes and Greg and I love paintings so with over eighty framed pictures they had to be bubble wrapped and packed.

          Now more work still needed to be done in the cottage so I had to be dressed and be ready for the workmen to start work at 7.30. I can hear you all thinking that Disnarc has never seen 7.30 before but I have been up at that time, well telling the truth it's more like coming in from a good night out but I have seen that time a few times before. I was up showered, moisturised and hair done by 7 and by 7.30 my house was full of workmen beavering around so I started in the bedroom ( get your minds out of the gutter I do mean unpacking clothes) and got to work.

          By 9 I was up to my nipples in bubble wrap trying to find the bottle of sloe gin thinking it must be lunch time and with all these hot and sweaty workmen around and the constant popping of bubble wrap I needed a drink. Time goes so slowly in the mornings and that is why a lady of leisure should never be seen before lunchtime. By midday I had lost the will to live but I'm a good little Gay solider and carried on not even stopping even for a sip of sloe gin. The afternoon went so fast like the petrol prices going up in the UK and by the time Greg got home from work most of the work was done and all that was left was the kitchen.

          As you all know I am not the best in the kitchen, all I know is where the gin bottle, tonic, ice and a glass are kept and the rest is a mystery, so my dear husband had promised to do the kitchen. Well he did clean the shelves and put the plates away but by Thursday morning when I got up it was still looking like a straight person's kitchen, so putting on my Gay super hero's cape (like a straight person's cape but with a bit more glitter and looks more fab on) I whipped around filling cuppboards and making the place looking more like a Queen's home. The kitchen is Greg's domain so he can rearrange it at his own time.
           All that was left to do was to hang pictures and the strange thing is I have always loved hanging pictures with my husband, I feel so butch hammering in picture hooks. Now the pictures are hanging on the walls and our cottage is fit for a Queen. The garden will need a lot of work as the workmen had used it as a workers yard but I love pottering about in the garden. Have not got a clue what the the plants are called and I have even been known to keep weeds as they look pretty. I have all summer to make it look gorgous.
          Now my dear readers I am tired after doing all that hard work so on Monday I am disappearing to Spain with Yvonne for ten days holiday. Total break away from everything to recharge the batteries and fill up on gin. Once back I will give you all the juicy gossip and tell you all about the fabulous half naked men on the beaches.
          We do not have any internet access still at the cottage so I am writing this from somewhere else. Hoping it will be all sorted once I get back but then again one thing I have found with this beautiful Island is that there is only one phone company and they have you by the balls and we are stilling waiting after three weeks to be connected. Where is BT when you need them.
         Dear Reader keep safe and have a Fabulous Gay time while I'm away but once I'm back all tanned and looking more gorgous I'm will be more camp and will keep you up to date with life of a Queen on Guernsey.