Sun, sand and oiled hunks

          After moving into the cottage dear reader I needed to take a break, so off I minced with a friend for a couple of weeks in the sun. We went to stay with my friend's sister who lives just outside Marbella in Spain. Now I'm a fussy old Queen when it comes to packing so everything was rolled to an inch of its life. Sock's, belts, tee shirts all rolled and the list can go on and on.
          Arriving at Guernsey airport it was straight to the bar for a quick Gin (just for my nerves on the plane) and then onto the plane for the first leg of the journey. Another Gin, but this time it was warm and no ice. I can suffer these little things but I always have to keep my hands under my legs to stop me from slapping the trolley dollies. All I want is a bit of class and style, not much to ask but both of them had a face on them like they had been slapped around the face by 3 day old boxers ( well they could use the boxers to clean away some of that crap that was on their faces). The flight is not that long to Gatwick, so before my brain could think about all those muscled tanned bodies I was going to see, we were down and mincing through Gatwick to put our bags in for the next flight.

          Through security which really annoys me, I never get felt up, my friend did by a big butch lesbian and she really did touch her in place that have been moth balled years ago. A gorgeous guy just stood there and watched as I walked on through. I would love to be patted down or even stripped searched but he did not move. Collecting my bag we glided to the Seafood Bar. Now this is a way to start a holiday, the campness is off the scale with this one. A couple of glasses of wonderfully chilled white wine, one crayfish and one salmon salad and 6 oysters it was pure decadence. My luxury was going to be short lived as our flight to Malaga was with Sleazy airlines.
         Now don't get me wrong I really do like the colour orange, in small places used as a complementary colour to another better colour (well any colour is better) but I'm sorry 3 hours in a confined space, surrounded by this orange and common people if I did not need a holiday before well after that flight I felt I needed to be committed. The flight was long and cramped and I am sure if I farted I would have been charged.
         After taking large deep breaths to control myself and trying to get the feeling of being dirty and just been abused for the last 3 hours we quickly moved to the baggage reclaim. Now standing waiting for the bags my friend starts to worry that the no hassle travelling was going to go tits up when our bags did not turn up. We were standing at the wrong carousel and then I caught sight of a guy who was on the flight. OK not lying here he was not that bad looking, well when your on a flight with sleazy airlines good looking men are hard to find so when you see one you know there is a God somewhere. So we minced over and stood by him. Within seconds our bags where out and we were standing outside being greeted by my friend's sister. Welcome to sunny Spain.
          I have never been a fan of Spain. It has nothing to do with the Country or people who are both wonderful and charming but it is the good old British public. When I go abroad I want to take in the sights, sounds, smell and culture of that country and not to walk down the sea front confronted by the Queen Vic pub or English all day breakfasts. It pains me to say it but you can always spot the English on holiday. They look horrific, the language is very colourful and that's just the woman. The next ten days are going to be interesting and I know fabulously  full of Gay campness. Well it beats being on that island for ten days.............To be continued